On May 3rd, 2016, Fort McMurray, my city, was hit by a massive wildfire. I won’t go into the details of the fire itself and the damage that occurred as that isn’t the purpose of my post. However, if you don’t know about it, you can find out more on this Global News page. The purpose of this post is to talk about my story in relation to the wildfire and what it’s taught my about being present in the classroom.

That Day

It was a Tuesday. I’ll never forget it. The morning was beautiful. It was one of those warm, sunny spring mornings. The day before had been quite smokey and I had a discussion with my class that Monday afternoon that there was nothing to worry about. The smoke was simply blowing into town and the fire was a ways away. Most of us were under the impression that we weren’t in any danger.

Back to that Tuesday, the smoke was blowing away from the city. It was the calm before the storm. By afternoon, the sky started looking dark and smokey again. We had an indoor recess (1:15pm) due to the smoke. I still didn’t think anything of it. I hadn’t had the chance to go on on social media or chat with anyone in the staff room or hallways because there was a behaviour specialist in my room that day to help us with strategies with one of my students. I spent any free moments (lunch, recess, etc) talking with him and brainstorming. Students were starting to ask questions and feel anxious by being able to see all the smoke out of the classroom window. I gathered them at the carpet and reassured them that everything was okay. I still feel guilty because shortly after, what they experienced, was absolutely horrific. Things weren’t okay. I guess even if I knew what was happening it wouldn’t change the delivery of the “pep talk” I gave, however, I feel as though I gave them false reassurance. I had no idea what was about to unfold.

Sometime between 1:30 and 2:00pm the entire school got called down to the gym. I immediately started to feel panic setting in. In front of my students I put on a brave face and remained as calm as possible. I knew that my neighbourhood was one of the closest ones to the fire. I immediately thought about all my animals (I had two dogs and two cats at the time). I went to ask my principal if I could go get my animals out of my house once I had my students safely in the gym and she said I could go and they would watch over my students. That was a very hard moment for me. I knew that the neighbourhood that my school was in wasn’t in danger. I knew that my pets at home were in danger but, still, I felt tremendous guilt for leaving my students. I thought I would see them again the next day. I still had no idea the severity of what was going to unfold.

Upon leaving the school and driving home, I realized how bad it was. The emergency alert was going off non stop on the radio. I’ll never forget the sound and I absolutely hate hearing it now. On my way home, I heard that no one was going to be allowed back into my neighbourhood as the fire was fast approaching and traffic was backing up. As I drove up to the base of the hill to see if I would be able to get up to my house, a policeman asked me why I needed to enter the neighbourhood. I explained that I had animals in the house. I asked him if it would be safe and he replied “you have to try”. *cue shivers*

So I raced home. The cats I had at the time (Missy and Grey) were skittish. They could sense the danger and were hiding. I told myself I would only allow five minutes to try to find them and get them in the car. If not, I would have to go. I got Grey easily but Missy was hiding behind the washing machine. I was throwing things beside her trying to spook her to run out but she wouldn’t budge. In my adrenaline rush, I managed to life up the washing machine an inch and drop it to scare her out. It worked. I got the cats in the car (my mom had already come and got the dogs but she wasn’t able to get my cats) and left without anything but my phone and my cats. Side note: I forgot my phone at home that day. That’s great in an emergency! *rolls eyes* As I left my house, I didn’t pack a thing. Not cat or dog food, a change of clothes, a phone charger… nothing.

There is a four way stop at the top of the hill to our neighbourhood. Traffic was backed up and it was taking a long time to be able to turn left to head down the hill. I remember looking ahead and seeing the flames in the distance on the other side the neighbourhood. I remember feeling trapped and planning what I would do if the flames started getting too close. I knew that due to the traffic, I may have to ditch my car and run, but, what would I do about the cats? I had come up and put myself in this dangerous situation to ensure they would be safe. I was really hoping it wouldn’t come to that. I was in pure survival mode. I remember thinking that I really might die. I talked to my mom on the phone a few times. As I was talked to her, I was staying as calm as possible because I kept thinking “what if this is the last conversation I have with her? I don’t want her to remember me being in complete hysterics”.

Sitting in traffic I kept thinking about my students. They lived in the same neighbourhood as my school which was the furthest from the fire at the time so I was wondering what they were doing, iff they were scared, and how I wished I could take this all away for them. I was also starting to wonder how this would all unfold. Would I be working tomorrow? How bad was this everywhere else in the city?

There is a lot more to the story of what happened in the next days while I stayed in a work camp about 30 minutes north of town but that story could take multiple blog posts to write.

Evacuation

Everyone was away from Fort McMurray for a month. My little family spent our time in Salmon Arm, British Columbia. We tried to make the best of it. It was an incredibly stressful time. We learned that our townhouse didn’t burn down after a few days after we left Fort McMurray. We were incredibly thankful but also felt guilty as some of our friends didn’t get the same positive news. We were incredibly curious whether or not we were going to have severe smoke damage since the fire came near our complex on three sides. I was also nervous because we heard stories about looters and I left my door unlocked in my panicked state.

During our time in Salmon Arm, I started going to yoga more frequently as a way to pass the time and ease my mind. It completely changed my perspective. I learned that although something terrible happened that I had no control over, I could control my reactions to it and how I lived my life from now on. I learned that I could choose calmness and kindness rather than let my anger and anxiety fester and cause bitterness. I am so grateful for this gift through yoga. It’s really changed my life.

Returning Home

Every day I would wait to hear when we would be able to go back to Fort McMurray, back to work, back to normalcy. I missed my students, our classroom, and our school. When we finally were allowed back into town, we learned that there were some restricted neighbourhoods that sustained too much damage that were deemed unsafe to live in. Ours was one of them. We learned that people were going around our neighbourhood in hazmat suits. When I first told Jayden (my boyfriend) that, he thought I was kidding; that it couldn’t be possible.

We returned to the city because Jayden was going back to work. We moved ourselves and our 4 animals into my parents’ RV in their neighbourhood. Around that time, I heard that we would not be returning to work. Although the fire didn’t get close to our school, it needed to be cleaned top to bottom and ensure that it wasn’t contaminated. We lived in the RV for 3.5 months. It was a difficult time because I wouldn’t be returned to work until the fall. I wouldn’t get to see my kiddos again. I was dealing with a lot of hard emotions and I wasn’t “busy” enough. I think that was another gift. I had time to process what I needed to process. When the going gets tough, I like to burry myself in “all the things”. I wasn’t able to do that that summer and I’m grateful for it, now.

I started working out 5 days a week with my aunt doing the BBG program with her and some of her friends. It was the first time I started a workout program and actually stuck to it. It was so refreshing to stay active and relieve stress that way. Now, three years later, I can’t imagine my life without being physically active.

We learned that most of our classroom belongings would need to be thrown out as traces of contaminants were found inside the school due to the heavy smoke in the area during the fire. That was another hard stuff for us teachers. Almost all of our resources and classroom belongings couldn’t be restored so they had to be thrown out.

Back Home

On September 13th, we got to come back home to our townhouse. My neighbourhood was finally deemed safe enough to live in and we cleaned out condo top to bottom. I remember running a bath and sinking into the warm water and becoming overwhelmed with emotions.

I felt so lucky and grateful to get to return to my townhouse. My heart was absolutely broken for everyone that wouldn’t have the same luxury; that were instead dealing with insurance companies and builders. I felt so overcome with emotion thinking of the outpouring of support we received from people all over the world through the Red Cross and other organizations. I felt utmost gratitude to all the first responders who stayed behind to save our city and helped us to be able to return home. I was so glad to have been able to see most of my students from the previous year at the start of the year. I felt forlorn that we didn’t get closure by finishing our year together. It felt like they got ripped away from me.

Today

Today, some houses are rebuilt. Some people are getting back to normal or their new normal. Others are still hurting and dealing with the nightmare that bad insurance companies and building companies can bring.

That day and the days that followed live on with all of us. It lives on with the students. The Fort McMurray wildfire is still very much on their minds. They often share stories of where they went to school during evacuation, they always have tons of questions during fire drills, and stories about the wildfire often come out in their writing. I’m seeing higher rates of anxiety in my class and that makes sense because they do say that it tends to comes out most around the third year mark after living through trauma.

I had the chance of teaching some of my students from that 2016 year again as I switched to grade three. It was nice to have them again and be able to finish off the year as we should have been able to. I wish that I could have seen them all again. There are some students that didn’t return to our community after the event.

Be Present

At this time of the year, as the end is nearing, I find myself slowing down and enjoying my time with the students even more. I cherish all of those small moments. They also need some extra tenderness around the anniversary of that hard day. We will spend extra time this week doing some “gentle” activities like extra art, time outside, sharing circles, etc.

The end of the year is coming. I don’t like doing a countdown because it’s my favourite time with my students. It’s a bit selfish, maybe, but I feel like I never want to wish that time away because I know now, more than ever, how precious it is.